Feeling very down

I've been feeling very down and lonely these days. Without the alcohol to "change the world," to speak, I miss my babies so much. I miss my Boobie, my Almond, and especially my Vixen, the last of them to go. My babies are gone, they who were the best in life, of life to me. The world is bleak now. Hope is fading.

What is there now but just darker days? I must find the courage to end it all.

In loving memory of Five (Feb. 8, 1998-Sept.30, 2012), the biggest and strongest of them all

Happy birthday, dearest Five.

You were the strongest and the biggest of them all. I remember you today, as I do many other days, on this the anniversary of your birth.

It was a happy day then. Happy birthday, dearest Five.

Lovingly remembering Prudence (April 2, 1999-January 13, 2006), who left this world eight years ago today

My dearest Pru,

Your time with us was just too short. You were so beautiful, so pure.

You had so much life. I hope you, Mommy, and Daddy are together now. Daddy wanted you so much, as did Mommy. And I loved you very much as they did, perhaps even more.

Dearest Pru. Be at peace, be happy.

We will love you always.

In loving memory of Garpy (December 29, 1982-August 10, 1991), born 31 years ago today

My dearest Garpy,

When you came into my life, you made my world bearable. I was devastated by a loss (Eenie). You lifted my heart.

How many times did I work at night, writing or trying to write, and you would stay awake, playing with a bone, because I was there?

How many times did you sleep on my chest, late at night?

You were the light in the darkness.

My baby Garpy, my Garpolito.

Happy birthday, "dear darling of my soul."

I love you, and always will.

Lovingly remembering my dearest Vixen (Sept. 1, 1998-Dec. 20, 2011), who left this world two years ago today

My dearest Vixen,

It's been two years since I lost you, two years since I let you go.

Life has been dark without you. There are good days, yes, but that sense of contentment is gone. There was purpose when you were there. There was that everyday joy, quiet and small, but filling to the heart.

I miss you every day, my Sensen, my baby. I wrote before that if I lose you, I would lose everything. In many ways, I was right. Life just hasn't been the same.

Of course, I smile. I remember the good times, having you around, hearing the way you "howled" or feeling you licking my feet as you passed. Seeing you walking around with a potato in your mouth. Seeing you across the living room, your head going up and down, your jaw snapping at nothing, as you just looked at me with excitement.

I miss you so much, my Hunhun, my baby. Were I a braver man I would have joined you in ashes long ago.

Maybe fate will be kind, finally, and we can again be together.

I love you, my dearest Vixen, and I will love you always. I carry you in my heart always. Not a day goes by when I do not think about you, of you. And the pain always comes.

There is a world between us. May fate be kind and bring us together again soon.

I love you, my baby. I love you.