Lovingly remembering Five (Feb. 8, 1998-Sept. 30, 2012), who left this world a year ago today

My dearest Five,
It was a hard day, that day we let you go. But I knew, we knew, it had to be done. You were wasting away. Why let such a beautiful life go through such pain?
It was over. Still you held on. You were that strong.
You were the alpha of alphas, stronger than Boobie and Vixen. The supreme alpha, surviving two toad poisonings. The strongest of them all.
I wish I could have given you more love than I had, I had my own babies to take care of.
Be at peace, dearest Five, alpha of alphas.
I will love you always.

Remembering my dearest Vixen (Sept. 1, 1998-December 20, 2011), born this day 15 years ago, always loved, always in my heart

My dearest Vixen,
How I have missed you. This day was always so special when you were around. Now I'm just sad, because you're not here.
You are always with me. Every day I feel the ache of waking up without you. Every day I feel the want to just let go. Every day I want to hold you again, my Sensen, my Hunhun, my Bebiah.
My dearest baby, you made life worth living.
Even now, it often hits me, living life without you.
Ever since you left, ever since I let you go, life has been a struggle. I keep you in my heart always. I will always love you, my dearest Sensen, my Vickysensen.
I wish I could be with you again, if only in ashes.

Lovingly remembering Garpy (Dec. 29, 1982-Aug. 10, 1991), who left this world 22 years ago today

My baby,
You were the best when the worst came.
You gave light when there was darkness all around.
You made me believe there was a reason to live.
I don't know why you had to leave too soon. That night you died, I knew somehow you would be leaving me. And so I cried. When morning came and I got the word, I cried even more.
My beautiful, beautiful Garpy. What a painful day that was.
My baby, my Garpy. I will love you always.
"Farewell, dear darling of my soul. A parting blessing on my love. We shall meet again, where the weary are at rest." (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities)

Just wanting to go

I am so tired, and I want to go.
Can't you just let me go?
Can't you help me find a way?

Lovingly remembering my Boobie (June 18, 1991-July 21, 2005) who departed from this world eight years ago today

My dearest Boobie,
You brought joy and meaning to my days.
I looked forward to staying home, coming home. You were here with me then.
I will always remember that look on your face when I arrived at the apartment that first day you spent at home. Right then and there, I fell in love. Right then and there, home was the place to be.
No day was ever so bad, no burden ever so heavy when you were around.
You made me smile. You made me laugh with your antics.
A big part of me died when I let you go.
I love you, my baby, my Boobiesy, my babysie.