Remembering with love my beautiful Garpy (December 29, 1992-August 10, 1991) on the anniversary of his birth today

Happy birthday, my dearest Garpy, my Garpolito.

You made life when it seemed there was only death. You gave light in the darkness.

Thank you so much, my baby, for coming into my life.

I loved you then, I love you now. I will love you always, my baby.

Remembering with love my baby Vixen (September 1, 1998-December 20, 2011), who left this world three years ago today

My dearest baby, my Sensen, my Hunhun, my Vickisensen, my love.

It's been three years now, and I miss you every day. It's a very different life now. I miss your kagat-kagat and how you would run after doing it. I miss having you by my side as we slept. I miss that way you would look at me and move your head up and down. I miss your reaction to the rain and thunder. Or how you would bite in the air as you looked at me and anticipated some carino. Or how you would wake up in the middle of the night to demand that carino.

I just miss you, my baby. That's the short of it.

I have always loved you. I always will.

My Sensen, my Vicky, my dearest, dearest baby.

Remembering with love my Almond (December 16, 1994-June 2, 2007), today, the anniversary of her birth

I love you, my baby, my Come Baby, my Mondy, my Alimondmond.

I love you, and I miss you.

In loving memory of Greta, on the anniversary of her death

 I love you, my Greta, even though you were never really mine.

So camera-shy.

Baby.

The day you left this world was the same day I decided to keep Sensen.

I love you, and I will love you always.

Lovingly remembering Five (Feb. 8, 1998-Sept. 30, 2012), who left our world two years ago today

Happy birthday, Five.

You were never truly mine, but I was there when you came into this world. I wish I could have been there to protect you, but when you reached maturity you needed no more protection.

The people who abused you feared you, and you became the strongest of them all.

Be in peace, Five, and know that I love you. I loved you then, I love you now.

Tears

Been crying all day. Been drinking as well. My baby is gone.

Lovingly remembering my dearest Vixen (September 1, 1998-December 20, 2011), born 16 years ago today

My dearest baby,

I miss you so much. I miss the everyday things you did, the everyday love. The days were always hard, and there were always problems, but they were good days because you were there. To wake up in the middle of the night to demand attention. To look at me from across the room, nodding your head because you were just glad to see me. To lick our feet every time you passed by. To just look at us from the stairs.

I love you, my baby, my Sensen, my Vickysensen, my Hunhun, my dearest. I so much want to be with you again. One day soon, hopefully.

You are always in my heart.

Missing

I miss my babies. I miss my babies so much. I wish I could just be with them again.

Remembering my baby Garpy (Dec. 29, 1982-Aug. 10, 1991) with love, today, the anniversary of his death

My dearest Baby,

What a terrible night that was, that last night, somehow knowing in my heart you would be gone. Even then, even without knowing, I was already crying. Morning brought the terrible news. The tears rushed, and I died inside.

My dearest Baby, you made life during those days bearable. I will always be thankful to you for that. You were my one good thing. You were the joy of my unhappy days.

I love you, my baby. Even after all these years, even after my babies came and went, I hold you in my heart. Dearest Garpy.

Lovingly remembering my baby Boobie (June 18, 1991-July 21, 2005), who left this world nine years ago today

My dearest Boobie, my Bhoooobie, my Boobisie, my Babysie, my sanggol, my little boy, my dearest love.

One who hasn't looked into my heart will never know of the joy and consolation that you brought into my life...and of the pain and desolation that I felt when I lost you, when I had to let you go.

I'll say it over and over, my Baby, just as I think it and feel it over and over. I thought the best of my life was over. Then you came along, and you (with Almond and Vixen later on) gave me the best years of my life.  Life has changed so much since I lost you...you, the first in a wonderful era of love and companionship that lasted twenty years. How I wish I could have those days back.

My dearest Boobisie, I will love you always, and I will miss you all the days of my life. May we be reunited soon, if only in ashes.

My love to you always, my dearest Boobie, my Babysie.

Lovingly remembering my baby Boobie (June 18, 1991-July 21, 2005), born 23 years ago today

Happy birthday, my dearest baby.

You were my life. You still are, even after all these years that you've been gone.

You turned darkness into light. You made me smile when there was nothing to smile about. My dearest baby. You were the best of me, and life has never been the same since you left, since I let you go.

I love you, my Boobisie, my Bhooobie, my baby, and I will love you always. You ushered in the best years of my life. Thank you for the years you gave me.

I love you, my baby. I love you always.

Lovingly remembering my Come Baby Almond (Dec. 16, 1994-June 2, 2007), today, the anniversary of her death

My dearest Almond, my dearest Come Baby, my Mondy, my Alimondmond, my lovely baby.

I will love you always, and I will always treasure the years that we had together.

Those times you would follow me around the house.

Those times you greeted me when I came home.

Those times you demanded that I take you on my lap while I watched TV.

Just your being there, my Come Baby. Those were good years, those years with you.

I love you always. Always.

FUCK

My babies are gone. Why should I fucking care?!?!

Lovingly remembering Prudence (April 2, 1999-January 13, 2006) on this day, the anniversary of her birth

Oh those were good days, my dearest Pru-pru.

Those days you were with us, running around, loving us, being loved, just being there, so beautiful, so gentle.

Happy birthday, dearest baby.

You are loved and remembered always.

To cry again

I cried again today.
Every time I see death in a movie, I think of Vixen.
My dearest baby.
How could I have lived so long without you?

Waiting, waiting

My dearest babies are gone.
I miss them everyday.
I still cry.
Why am I still alive?

Feeling very down

I've been feeling very down and lonely these days. Without the alcohol to "change the world," to speak, I miss my babies so much. I miss my Boobie, my Almond, and especially my Vixen, the last of them to go. My babies are gone, they who were the best in life, of life to me. The world is bleak now. Hope is fading.

What is there now but just darker days? I must find the courage to end it all.

In loving memory of Five (Feb. 8, 1998-Sept.30, 2012), the biggest and strongest of them all

Happy birthday, dearest Five.

You were the strongest and the biggest of them all. I remember you today, as I do many other days, on this the anniversary of your birth.

It was a happy day then. Happy birthday, dearest Five.

Lovingly remembering Prudence (April 2, 1999-January 13, 2006), who left this world eight years ago today

My dearest Pru,

Your time with us was just too short. You were so beautiful, so pure.

You had so much life. I hope you, Mommy, and Daddy are together now. Daddy wanted you so much, as did Mommy. And I loved you very much as they did, perhaps even more.

Dearest Pru. Be at peace, be happy.

We will love you always.