Tuesday, June 25, 2013

How green was my valley

My dearest Vixen,
It always hits me, all these months after I let you go.
Those last days, that last night, that last morning.
How I said goodbye to you, how I cried.
It always hits, as it has again.
And again I cry.
My dearest baby,
How I miss you so, my Sensen, my baby.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Tears

The tears still come, after all this time.
My dearest Boobie.
You were the best of me.
Everything changed when you left.
Why couldn't I have been the one who died instead?

Lovingly remembering my Boobie (June 18, 1991-July 21, 2005), my baby, born this day 22 years ago

My dearest Boobie,
You brought so much joy to my life. You were so different. You had so many antics that made us laugh and smile...
....running to and fro while we tried Jane Fonda's aerobics...
...lying down at the gate just as we were hurrying to leave...
....twisting and turning as I held you in my lap...
You were so gentle, so beautiful.
I will always love you.
You will be always in my heart.
You gave me comfort and laughter, and a smile and more every day that you were with me.
The best of my years were with you.
My beautiful, beautiful Boobie.
Happy birthday, my baby.
I love you. I always will.

Monday, June 17, 2013

On a Father's Day just past

Yesterday was Father's Day.
I didn't feel much like a father.
My babies are gone. I was their Papa.
My lovely Vixen is gone. I was her Papa.
There was nothing to celebrate.
There was just a void in my heart, and a pain that never goes away.

Friday, June 14, 2013

There are days

There are days when it just hurts so much.
So I cry, close to 18 months since I let by beautiful baby go.
How poor my life is these days.
How rich it once was.
My lovely baby.
My Hunhun, my Vixen.
How I miss you, my baby.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Missing you

My dearest Vixen, my beautiful, beautiful baby.

I miss you so much. The pain never ends.

Sunday, June 02, 2013

In loving memory of my baby Almond (December 16, 1994-June 2, 2007), who left this world six years ago today

My dearest Mondy,

Thank you so much for the years that you gave me, for the quiet joy you brought every day that you were with me.

Thank you so much for the consolation that you gave. Life was bearable because you were there. How life changed when you left, six years ago today.

I nearly didn't have you. Fate intervened, and you were mine, and I loved you every day that you were there, as I love you now, even though you are no longer with me.

My dearest Mondy, how I love you, even now that you are gone. My lovely Almond, my dearest, dearest Come Baby.

Six years to the day, the tears still come.

"One Day" (in memory of my baby Almond)


And then she died, just like that.
I saw nothing different in the day,
in the sunlight, in the dawn,
in the breath of the June breeze,
in the new scent of morning.

Perhaps I wasn't listening;
maybe it was there, somewhere
whispered in the wind,
if there was even one to hear.
Perhaps it was in the little motions,
the little things that tell you…
if you could only see and listen.

I neither saw nor heard.
I found a day, outside concern,
no different from yesterday;
there were no voices from heaven,
no inklings of divinity.
There was no wisdom in existence,
no great majesty proclaimed;
no purpose to the day but to live,
and for her but to die.
With a breath, a twist,
One last gasp, and she was gone.

And just like that, she died.
Even then there were no questions,
there was no reason;
there were no inner bickerings
or vain inspirations.

One afternoon,
she just died.
No purpose to the day but to live and to move on,
And for her, no more object to her life but to die.